There ain't no hand to break your fall...

WARNING: This contains copious amounts of horrifying moments and unabashed love for characters having a heavy death toll. Along with my favorite comic version of Kara Zor-El ever...also fuck the Titans, YAHHYA YOUNG JUSTICE ! And fuck you TV tropes...


Last time on "Clark Kent's Bizarre adventures" :
Clark went through quite a series of traumas; some hilarious (that sapient red space crystal, The Age of Mxyzptlk and Mr Z´s amnesia shenanigans), others not so much (being in tune with his kryptonian self, The Doomsday, hell in Metropolis and domestic abuse in the neighborhood...). He also developped a relationship with Lois who is a great character among a whole cast of brilliant characters (even Jimmy fuckin' Olsen is compelling! Imagine that !). He was then saved from a fatal coma by an old robot antagonist and got his powers restored by a fortuitous intervention because a dedicated cosplayer wanted to kill him ! Said dedicated cosplayer also turned Coast City into a smoking crater leading to the best (albeit admittedly rushed in inception) incarnation of Hal Jordan who ended the other Green Lanterns (that's no good !) and massacred the Oa guardians (Finally ! Hurray ! Up theirs ! That warms my heart ! I hereby forgive Hal for killing the other GL members. John Stewart thankfully survived...). This also leads to the inclusion of the sweetheart known as Kyle Rayner and the awesomest version of Guy Gardner EVER (once again, thank you Beau Smith !).


But now that our kryptonian Joe is back STRONGER THAN EVER, things are for the better right ? I mean how can anything top Doomsday´s or Pr Henry Henshaw ? HAHAHAHAHA ! Well my naive little cherubs, THIS section is easily THE darkest part of this run. Superman is overpowered ? HA! 90's Superman's case is an utter aversion to that cliche. He is powerful, yes, but his kryptonian physiology is actually a double edged sword. And I don't mean "weakness to kryptonite". To clarify the concept, imagine if you live in a world where people and construction are as fragile as cardboard. And a few days later, said world has become as fragile as bubble soaps. See what I'm getting at ? Now tell me how easy it is to be Superman ...
Clark will also have to deal with the loss of his office and trying to keep his damn job. That happens when you're "dead" for a while. That and the bill that comes with the resurrection is quite high ! He also has long hair now and according to Americans, it's a bad thing to have long hair. Go Figure...

Let´s start with the proper musical intro for THIS section of 86-99 Supes www.youtube.com/watch?v=DeumyO…
(can´t help it. Some people get inspired after snorting coke on hookers bottoms, I get it by binging whatever tune happens to remind of a character or a story´s atmosphere. One of these methods clearly won´t be popular with aspiring artists ...)

This will be a bit harder to talk about since several plotlines grow then conclude after intertwining and a LOT of characters (supporting or antagonistic) are involved. I always talk about the elements that affected me the most because fuck it, it's my show here. If you need a guide, Look at the drawing !



On other news, Steel, Superboy and Supergirl got their own ongoings...but it's better to leave those for another time and on their own (Look, it takes time, but I want the drawing to be good and the text to be entertaining!). There are also minis developping the little people in Metropolis such as Jim Harper and Cadmus (Cool!), Maggie Sawyer (who I swear to God, looks like a gritty Haruka Tenoh ! Curiously and conveniently enough, her lover Toby Raines looks like Michiru...anyway her mini was compelling and pretty damn funny by the end!) and the Eradicator (who personally I thought should´ve remained gone after Reign of the Supermen...oh well, he doesn´t bother me so it´s not like I have any grievance about this...).


* Toys & Blood sports

It's amazing that the biggest scars Clark bears are psychological. And while there's often a price when it comes to fighting his enemies, this to me is the equivalent of Clark getting slashed right across his face. And have the scar remain there for the rest of THIS narrative.
The main concern of this arc is Catherine Grant, one of Lois and Clark ex-coworkers at the planet. Things haven't been particularily nice for her ; José Delgado (Gangbuster) split with her (due to his self-confidence issues and tremenduous bad luck...), her new boss Vinnie Edge is harrassing her (she'll get back at the fucker in a glorious fashion!) and in this story, Toyman kills her son. That´s right. Toyman KILLS her kid.
First time I've read this issue (Superman #84) I was taken aback. It was fucking written and paced to make this impact. It felt like an actual murder and the implicit violence is much more effective than one that is constantly on your face. Hell the Clark and Lois part of the story was so light-hearted with then taking the week-end to Paris and then THIS !
BTW, an interesting difference between THIS Toyman (which I find effective as a villain) and the DCAU one (which the greatest iteration EVER of this villain...);
DCAU Toyman (Winslow Schott Jr) is somewhat similar in modus operandi to John Kramer. He is detail-oriented, has a knack for set-ups and speaks in a monotone yet courteous tone. He is ruthless BUT he is not insane. He is also veeery selective of his targets and knows what he wants from them.
86'-99' Toyman (Winslow Schott) is VERY similar to Book Norman Bates in appearance and somewhat so in delusions 68.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m42…  . When he first appeared in Byrne's run, he was killing the executives who wronged him with toys. Afterwards, he was kidnapping children to protect them from their broken homes. Later, when he somewhat managed to straighten his ways out, he learns that his toys are not popular with kids he felt like said kids were betraying him and he vowed to kill the mean children. In both cases, both Toymen are creepy as fuck and in either cases, Clark NEVER saw him as a joke. And now, this shall resonate through the rest of this run. Especially where Cat Grant´s developpment is concerned...and damn she´ll pull through. Recovering from it though is impossible. From my experience, you don´t...
As for the Bloodsport part, welll... Alex Trent, a neo-Nazi with high-tech, took on the epithet of another criminal and starts shooting people that are not white... and white people who are friends with not-white people. Neo-Nazi logic... remember when I told you that Gotham is the ginger ale to Metropolis' JagerMeister ? Well this is just the first sip !  
The Bloodsport plotline concludes much later in prison. A boxing contest is announced between him and the first Bloodsport, Bobby DuBois, with Superman as referee. And man does Clark really despise said idea... said match ends up as well as you might expect...


* Lobo strikes back again

Yeah, so we started with a Metropolis attacked by muderous criminal racists, robots, Hokuto No Ken extras and a child killer. After these heavy, dark and bloody affairs, who could save us ?
LOBO. Thank you, Oh main Man ! You always brings a smile to my heart !
The story itself? Lobo comes to Earth to pick a fight with Superman after learning of the conclusion of "Reign of The Supermen" (and the fact that fighting Mongul and Cyborg Superman was more badass than fighting a bunch of bureaucrats in the afterlife. Naturally...).
I always saw Lobo as a perfect conceptual contrast to Superman; both are the last of their species (in THIS continuity, it's the case. Keep your protests to yourself before refering to later runs...) for different reasons.
* Both characters initial incarnations were destructive and unflappable badasses. Compare how they change; Lobo went from glam rock Space Sean Connery to the Metalhead Cosmic Hellraiser who pratfalls due to his arrogance while Superman went from Sin City´s Marv punch-happy great-uncle to the weirdness magnet Average Joe we have here.
* For Howard fans out there , Lobo is the Conan to Superman's Kull.
* Both are relatable in their own way; Clark is based more on the sensible and "save the boat from sinking" mentality while Lobo is a reflection of our vindictiveness, basic desires and appetites.
* Neither has a mustache...
* Both are greatly appreciated by the coolness that is Bibbo Bibbowsky !
* Superman´s powers are a consequence of him being on Earth while Lobo´s basically born with his powers (and then LOST the cloning ability that made him uberhaxxed by trusting Vril Dox !).
* Both are in some ways slaves to their duties, one as a superhero the other as a bounty hunter.
* Clark is much more skilled at trickery and deceit especially when it can save lives (90´s Supes ain´t the wuss the post 2004 one is. Piss him off and he´ll bite back hard !) while ´Bo has only his word as a bond, which bites him in the ass more often than he thinks and amazingly enough is set back by everyday occurences !
And to conclude, a riddle: how do you make Lobo cry ? Because there is ONE way it can be done...

Hope you enjoyed this because it's the most light-hearted it will get for a while !


* Hunter/Prey

THIS is easily my favorite Doomsday story ever. And once again, the proper music please. Rock me Amadeus, www.youtube.com/watch?v=33iDpg… (Yes, this is one of the visual references for my drawing...you have quite the eye !)
2nd installement of the trilogy about the man-sized Godzilla from outer space/ Ultimate baby...or rather about Clark dealing with the man-sized Godzilla from outer space/Ultimate baby. A rumor claims that the original concept was that D-Day was an alien mental patient who escaped. That got scrapped so here we discover that it was an experiment that went horribly right.
Bertron, an alien who decided to devote his life creating the ultimate weapon devised THE full proof technique! So he started throwing away some alien baby (of unknown origin) ad nauseum at an unforgiving world. When the baby dies, he clones and updates it. This experiment took decades to achieve fruition and not just Mark Zuckerberg throwing blood at a Kryptonian corpse (the fuck is up with that ?! No I won´t let THAT GO ! Millions of dollars budget and THAT´S IT ?! THAT´s the approved design ?! Are you shitting me ?!). So after that, Bertron managed to finally create THE ULTIMATE BABY; it is solar-powered, it doesn't need any other sustenance and is only guided by a prime directive: remembering that it's been killed ad nauseum and reacting to other life-forms as threats. So you can deduce how well it reacts to its own creators once it finds them.
Oh and unlike the "Death of Superman" arc, Clark can barely put a scratch on Doomsday now. Neither does Darkseid who must regret not being helped by an old version of himself (Thanks DnA ! Foundations was way more entertaining than "The Great Darkness Saga".).
I´d like to point this, The Doomsday trilogy is actually about Clark rather than Doomsday itself (in the same way the Alien one is about Ripley...).
This whole arc is Superman in a nigh-hopeless situation ( Doomsday is back and adapted in a stronger shape than when it was on earth, Henshaw is back (having taken his precautions...) and wants to take over Apokolips and defeating him means that Darkseid remains in power as the tyrannical troll-meister he is ( his people are worms, BUT they are HIS worms and he will protect them against any foreign invader or else he'll have nothing to torment and torture...). Holy fucking Catch 22 ! Help comes from time guardian Waverider but even then, it's like using a slingshot against a bear...) and confronting his fear.
In fact the story starts with a flash-back of a very young Clark afraid to step down to the basement. He is convinced that there must be some monster there hidden in the dark.The person who made him to overcome that fear was his mom. And in the present, adult Clark is confronted by this similar primal fear (though the Doomsday is scarier than a non-lit basement...I suppose...) but it is his concern over his loved ones fates that gives him the proper motivation to go fight the nigh-indestructible bio-weapon. Courage is not about being fearless, it is about facing said fear.

Oh and just to rectify a misconception; Doomsday CAN talk (though mostly in consonants) and it is fan of pro-wrestling. And I like drawing it nude ...


* Bizarro's World

Bizarro is back! This is to my big surprise a very obscure Bizarro story, featuring an incarnation that has both the weird "Bizarro world" stuff (he built a version of Metropolis. Inspired by Ed Wood most assuredly...) and the tragic nature of his very first incarnation (though thankfully, Clark here is not a murderous asshat like Silver age Superboy so he won't murder this poor creature). I have NO idea why no one ever talks about it ! Ever seen the episode from the cartoon ? THIS is that story ! Except for the ending...
Here's the thing: Lex's new body is falling gradually to pieces. Thus he needs to re-iterate the operation (once is a long shot but, heh...) and transfer his nervous system to a new healthy bodyor find a cure to the deterioration... hence this new Bizarro.
But "Boris Karloff" here has other plans such as proposing to Lois or trying to befriend Lana... it ends with his unavoidable demise, but in his short life, Bizarro managed to have more dignity than Lex would ever have.
Thereafter, Superman also has to cope with an unending increase in his powers (a consequence of the Eradicator saving his life when fighting Hank Henshaw ...) and is basically unable to make a step without causing a crater. Salvation comes later in an unexpected form. Thankfully the Parasite is there to help...unthankfully, civilians fucking bite it whenever that fucker escapes.
Also Cat Grant denounces her boss for sexual harassment in a damn neat way !


* The Fall of Metropolis

Now as for the longest arc of this section. This is what will to lead to a crucial development in Supergirl's life, the state of the city and Luthor...
On the Supergirl side, Blond Sailor Jupi...errr... I mean Mae discovers that Luthor has been using her.(well sorry, it´s just that the escalating violence reminded me of Sailor Moon's own escalating violence...).
The man she loved was nothing but a rat. Initially she went berserk, and destroyed his lab, his clones, and almost killed Lex before Clark convinced her not to strike a terminally ill man. Then Supes berates said terminally ill man for being a moron and chasing away the one person who'd go through hell and fire for him because of his schemes.

This does not sit well with Lex who decides to basically runsack the Cadmus Project in order to find a cure. Also I think he watched Man Of Steel and told himself " That's destruction ? I'll SHOW YOU destruction, YOU AMATEURS !". While a cure is eventually found somewhere down the line, Lex was at such an advanced stage of cancer that he's almost a vegetative husk.
While Clark managed to stop Luthor from ERASING Metropolis by convincing Lex that his legacy would be that of a murderer if he went through with his plan, it did not prevent the countless deaths and damages the city suffered. But thankfully, the people of Metropolis (from Maggie Sawyer to Bibbo to Dr Hamilton...) are strong and have a modicum of basic decency SO they decide to help each other surpassing this hardship. Good and evil might be simply human parameters but fuck, we NEED them to exist as a society! And this story is the perfect example of that !
And if there's one instance that left its imprint on my conscience, it's the "Afterburn" issue. The sight of Superman trying to comfort an orphan, seriously, that's too heartbreaking for words...

As for Lex Luthor himself, he still blames Clark for the destruction of Metropolis. Yeah, I'm sure it's Superman who told him to make a Kryptonite ring leading to this snowball effect of miseries.
Goddammit, at least the Cyborg's delusions and murderous insanity came from grief and prolonged isolation so it is definitely a tragedy ! But Lex ? With Lex it seems to be a second nature. So much for the man who thought he was a god.... though the "devil" will do something for his condition, hehehehe !

This arc also sees the departure of Roger Stern (though he'll be back specifically to write the bald man again later down the line, but that'll be for next time...) from the book. Who will replace him ?
David Michelinie ! Ho YEAH ! This is gunna be fun ! Granted I have a preference for Stern (though on Spider-man, it is the opposite cus Dave gave me THE Peter Parker I give a fuck about and villains, inherited or created, I'll always love!), but Michelinie not only knows how to deliver character moments but he also shows that he's a good fit for writing Superman !

Perry White ends up adopting Keith Robert Parks, and damn did that kid deserve a break !Keith's mother dies from AIDS, the Whites want to adopt Keith,
People give him and his wife hell about that because adopting a black kid is a bad thing for some reason... wait I know the reason but I forgot the word. Care to point it ?


* Dead Again...

Man, this story drove me nuts ! In a good way though as I genuinely had no idea who's plan the whole intrigue was till the very end.
After a dead body appeared in Superman's tomb, the whole  world began to wonder if the Superman who was flying around was the original or a fake. A Superman fanboy, whose abilities are linked to tripping balls, believes that the actual Superman never came back. This fucker, Ramsey Murdoch, kills in the name of his God  who he thinks is Superman (what ? You expect the nutbars to make sense ?!). Now he believes that his ultimate goal was to kill Superman  as to him, the real Superman never came back to life after being killed by Doomsday (kryptonian technology be damned !). Seems ridiculous ? THIS is how Lois described the guy
" Remember Sylvia Feltman? Apparently, our court system very nearly forgot her. Sylvia Feltman was knifed to death in her hallway by a man who was upset with her employer, D.A.S.H Telephone Systems, Inc. In his deranged mind, she was a sinner, for he did not save as much money as D.AS.H. promised when he dumped Lexphone in favor of their service. Outraged by this perceived indignity, this man took Sylvia Feltman's life. Because he was outraged at the loss of a mere savings of three cents, he took Saul and Betty Feltman's only daughter from this world, isolating them in grief and sorrow for the rest of their days. The killer's name is Ramsey Murdoch. And in a cruel joke he wishes to perpetrate on us all, he also calls himself the Savior. We must save ourselves from him."
Ah, Metropolis is such a joyful place eh ?"
So Superman began to track down all of his foes to find out who might be capable of such a hoax. And I mean, HOAX man ! Clark became insane to the point where he almost punch through Maggie Sawyer to prove if he's in an illusion or not ! At first I thought it'd be Mxyzptlk, but no, the culprit was the coluan criminal himself, Brainiac (only Darkseid knew all along...). Granted the ending is somewhat expected (though damn funny) but it's really the chase that made the ride worth it !

-> ZERO HOUR OCCURS ! Hal Jordan makes some things better (MY Legion Of Superheroes ! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA !) and things...meh like Phase´s backstory. I have to admit though, this event didn't bother me that much. In fact , it had some fun moments here and there and the Superman side of things really worked. So thank you Hal, old boy, I am grateful you slaughtered the smurfs...

* The Death of Clark Kent

You know that dude who was jealous of some other dude for no reason at all and took it on his family ? Well he grew up to become a Superman antagonist.
Meet Kenny Braverman, a childhood friend and bitter rival of Clark Kent (though Clark was not even aware of the guy's animosity). As he grew up hegained experience as a governmenta assassin and even managed to form his own faction of assassins. As Conduit, a kryptonite-radiating cyborg, he has the technology and means to surpass his inferiority complex.
Why ? Well so that he can make Clark's life hell (kind late for that, ain't he ?). Upon learning who Superman truly is, he makes things even more difficult for Supes even driving him to hiding for a little while. Superman fights devastating battles, endures psychological tortures (at some point he was so very close to giving up!), hides his parents, is led to believe that they, Lois and Jimmy were killed and come to a heartbreaking realization: in order for his friends and family to live, he has to leave them behind. But then that's not enough since Conduit is REALLY after him (even sending an improved Metallo after Supes !).
While I dug the fights between Superman and Conduit, it's the supporting characters that steal the show and prove themselves resourceful enough to survive on their own. And again, Superman being pushed to the limits of sanity (AGAIN. I'm starting to think 90's Superman is sponsored by thorazine distributors!) is always a compelling narrative... especially when one remembers that Clark would have never came up with the concept of Superman if it were not for his loved ones.


* Superman/Aliens

I don't care what ya think, this is my reading experience chief ! This story fits neatly in the narrative and has Dan Jurgens and Kevin Nowlan at their A-game ! Neither Superman or the Xenomorphs are watered down or altered to fit the story. In fact, this is even more plausible than the 2nd movie in the Alien quadrilogy (my favorite being the 3rd...).
Now you ask: What can the xenomorphs do to Superman ? I shall reply, what would Clark do once his biological solar battery runs out ? That´s right, where this takes place, Clark is on borrowed time ! Though his initial encounter with an isolated xenomorph is quite funny; Supes reacts to it as if it were some stray dog (granted this might due to his past encounters with MUCH scarier aliens in his adventures....). From that point on, it's a descent to hell...
Clark is then assisted by a 16-year-old girl named Kara Zor-El, who reveals the backstory of this specific xeno-colony and how it led to the decimation of her people. Supes then realizes that he don´goofed as he sent 2 hosts to a space station near-earth... and Lois is on said station !

All in all, great read and I will never pass the chance to draw me a xenomorph.


* Clowns and mermaids

Just to cover several short stories:
+ Alpha centurion appears in Metropolis and seems to have quite the eyes on Miss Lane ! Clark is of course above jealousy right ?
+ The Joker re-appears in Metropolis having learned that some dude is capitalizing on his image to sell toys. You know how the clown prince is when someone messes with his image ? There you go. He also sends Power Rangers during the parade to attack Superman ! That depraved fiend ! Later he manages to pull one cruel prank on Superman by poisoning Lois. Let's just say that the ending of that story made me realize how underrated Michelinie is and how superior 90's Joker is to whatever DC is pulling from their butts since 2004... and Injustice would have had a better start if it took cues from this story...
+ And Jimmy ? Sweet God does he prove cooler than I'd ever thought ! He escaped Conduit kidnapping, he managed to climb the ladder of journalism to get a new job as an on-air investigative reporter. He became more ambitious, as well as more brash and arrogant so you know it won't end as well as he'd hope. Then again, he dated a rockstar turned vampire and got to punch the Joker in the stomach with 0 fucks given (honestly! Best Jim Olsen page EVER !) so he's entitled to get a bit of a swelled head !
+ Cat visits Fawcett City, meets Mary Marvel... and it's depressing as fuck !
+ Lori Lemaris is back ! In case you don't know, she's a mermaid who met Clark during their studies at Smallville. Of course she was on a wheel chair back then since them fish people are not well-perceived in this here dry-land ! Since they are really good pals (and almost got a more intimate relationship back in the day...), Clark bails her out of the police station (yeah, she was there for indecent exposure...) and he discovers that she's now like Madison from the movie Splash. I am sure this won't lead to any trouble i55.tinypic.com/25tyvcz.jpg
+ Perry White discovers he has cancer... thankfully it is still in the early stages but damn !


* The Trial Of Superman

This is a tale that might have been too heavy for its own good.
It starts with Superman fighting the Parasite (who's leveled up since last time) and is captured by agents of an intergalactic tribunal who thinks Superman must own up to the destruction of Krypton (where the fuck were they when Mongul was on Warworld ?!).
Team Superman (John Henry, Mae, #13 and the Eradicator) along Alpha Centurion decide to look for him. The Cyborg appears in the middle to stir more trouble and kick some ass !
As you might guess, the story does have good moments, like the glimpse at alien cultures ad Clark understanding that justice as he knows it or how the tribunal imposes it is incompatible with several of them or the fact that he is but a graihn of sand in the vast universe. My problem is that much like "Maximum Carnage" or "Operation Galactic Storm" or "Avengers Forever", it needed a bit of trimming. Hank Henshaw , while one of my favorites, should have been left for a future story down the line (his post Final Night tales are more compelling in this run...) and the tribunal should have remainned the main antagonist all the way throughout... but hey, still a decent read and concept...

* End Of Engagement...

In light of all this madness, Clark's relation with Lois is out taking a rough, really rough turn. Remember one thing about MY favorite romances in comics ; NONE of them had the characters commit at the snap of fingers and NONE of them came off as gift-wrapped. It's the case with Peter and MJ or Scott and Jean. There have been plenty of insane and horrible events to go through before the relations are actually EARNED.  
Now, in the beginning, Lois was in a better position to help Superman after learning of the whole dual identity thing. But as time goes, Clark's duties as Superman begin to take up too much of his days and nights, to the point where they can't even have a proper conversation. Plus Lori's reappearance and earnest re-telling of her days with Clark did not sit well with Lois since he never told her of his more serious past relations. And to add insult to injury, one of Lois' informants and friends, Jeb Friedman (who Clark does not like much. Guy is kind of a fusspot...) got involved in some shady plot which cost him his life... while taking a bullet for Lois. The following stories are kind of a hard read due to this break: Clark will have to understand that having a sworn soulmate is hardly compatible with being Superman and Lois herself has to really think this whole "break-up" deal through.
Hell even Mxyzptlk tries to get them back together ! On a side note, the Simonson/Bogdanove take on Mxy is very peculiar and one of the best the character has seen. While in the Byrne and first part of this run Mxy is a bastard that endangers and tries harming Superman through Toon World-style shenanigans, here he has a change of heart and tries to help them through Toon World-style shenanigans. Though to Mxy's credit, he does get them to have a more open and heartfelt conversation about the whole situation. The biggest problem ? Superman belongs to the world and that she can't take him away from it.
After that, Lois takes foreign assignments from the Daily Planet and Clark is put in charge as the Planet's temporary editor while Perry takes a leave for lung cancer treatment...

-> Final Night Occurs BUT that's a story for next time !

Will things lighten up later ? Mystère et boule de gomme. All I can tell you is that the next part will have a more intricate drawing AND feature a controversial story... so stay tuned !